The Witchfinder encounters one of the … blunter … tools in Ed Miliband’s box of delights, Welwyn Hatfield (Opposition) Labour Leader Kieran Thorpe, who today claimed not to know what the age of consent is.
The Witchfinder initially thought that this would be a non-story. Bored and seeking easy entertainment your humble inquisitor sought to bait an obscure opposition leader on a local council, with no real intention of publishing anything.
The Witchfinder contacted the grandly entitled ‘Leader of the Welwyn-Hatfield Labour Group’ on Twitter to ask his views on Patricia Hewitt and the whole ’10-year olds’ thang.
Totally briefed up-to-the-minute @KieranThorpe claimed not to really know anything about the story. He said he was focused instead on the exciting events in the Ukraine and in his local Borough of Welwyn Hatfield. Uber-important local worthy Kieran had totally missed the vile paedophile scandal gripping his party at a national level. Full marks for local interest, Kieran – none for political knowledge insight, awareness or ability.
So I decide to help the poor guy out. I point the boy Kieran gently in the direction of the Sun’s full front page headline – “Labour chiefs: It’s OK to have sex with 10-yr-olds”
Nah. Kieran says he does not read the Sun. (Or presumably, any other newspaper, if he somehow missed this story). Alistair Campbell he ain’t.
By then the Witchfinder had tweeted him 8 times and was frankly starting to feel like @KieranThorpe didn’t even want to answer your inquisitor’s entirely reasonable questions.
Then – like a light from heaven – an answer! It’s inspiring. It’s knowledgeable. It demonstrates clear, detailed analysis and thoughtful leadership. This time, Councillor Kieran comes up trumps. “no idea. probably whatever it is now.” Where does Labour find these people? Does it hand out tokens in a packet of crisps? “Find the special token in a blue envelope and become a Labour Councillor” ???
Special Witchfinder Hint – not knowing what the age of consent is might be a problem in a nightclub, let alone for a Labour politician.
Councillor Kieran’s local MP Grant Shapps must be quaking in his boots before this outstanding political titan. Thorpe is local government’s answer to Dan Quayle. He’s like Pike out of Dad’s Army.
Of course @KieranThorpe was not fazed by his slip-up. No – not this genius. He totally found some stories about various several year-old minor gaffes by his political opponents. On Google. Full marks for technical skills Kieran! Good boy!
After this display of epic political word-meistery Kieran decided to end the conversation with the Witchfinder. And he was doing so well! “Its Friday, Im going to sign off with a poem” he said bravely. Then, true to form, he recited a limerick which came to an epic crescendo with a five year old story about a minor gaffe.
Oh well, he might have claimed he did not know what it is but at least this extra-special Labour Councillor Kieran is not passionately devoted to reducing the Age of Consent to 10, and frankly that puts him ahead of a scary number of his peers in the Witchfinder’s eyes.
If the Witchfinder’s readers want to help the poor guy, why not tweet Councillor @KieranThorpe and let him know your views?